Thursday, June 19, 2008

Last night I had the strangest dream

I hardly ever remember my dreams. I know I have them because I'll wake up and think, "Huh. That was weird." But even as that thought is forming in my head, the content of the dream is slipping away and I'm just left with a vague impression. Sometimes I'll have sad dreams and wake up sobbing, yet I won't be able to remember what it was that made me so upset.

Or, if I do happen to remember my dreams, they are unremarkable. I recall one time my ex dreamed she was fighting ninjas and got sliced in the stomach and was bleeding to death and then woke up. That same night? I dreamed I took a shower and when I was done, I discovered someone took my towel! I couldn't dry off! The horror!

But last night I had the best dream I've had in AGES. It was a Hollywood movie-quality dream.

It started at a party. My friend Cake and I were incredibly drunk and left at about 3:30 a.m. We were really far away from my place but right next to his apartment. Public transportation wasn't running and I had no money for a cab. For some reason, he didn't suggest that I crash on his couch. Instead, he said I should go sleep at his old apartment. (In real life, Cake just moved from one apartment to another.) Cake said that he knew the front lock on the building was broken and he still had his old key, so I could get in with no difficulties. AND his old suite wasn't yet rented out!

Not wanting to sleep in the street, I took him up on his offer. I walked a short distance and found his old building. Sure enough, the front door lock was broken and I could easily enter without causing suspicion. I walked up the stairs to his apartment and saw 2 men at the other end of the hall, talking. They looked familiar but I was still really drunk from the party and just wanted to sleep, so I didn't pay them much attention. I opened his door and sure enough, no one was living there yet. Oddly, the place was fully furnished but I didn't question it because in dreams, things just make sense.

I stumbled to the couch and had just started to drift off when I noticed that the apartment didn't smell right. It smelled like soil, like a garden. So I got up and snooped around to see what the source might be. I opened the door to his old bedroom and discovered that it had turned into a HUGE marijuana grow operation. There were plants of all sizes, in all stages of growth, crammed into that room so tightly that there was hardly room for a person.

"Holy shit!" I thought. "I better get outta here before whoever's running this comes back!"

And, on cue, I heard the voices of the two men I had seen in the hall earlier. The were talking about "checking on the plants" so I knew I had to get out fast. Somehow I snuck out of the apartment without them noticing which unit I had exited and as I walked past them, I was surprised to see that they were none other than Seth Rogen and Jonah Hill.

"Those guys woulda killed me if they had found me in there!" I oh-so-rationally thought.

I safely got out the front door of the building and onto the sidewalk when I noticed that in my haste to leave without being killed by stoners, I had forgotten my shoes. So there I was, miles and miles away from home, penniless, drunk, and barefoot. At that point I checked my cell phone and saw that Wizard, a friend of mine, had called me only ten minutes earlier! What luck! So I called him back.

"Hey, Wizard. I see I just missed your call."

"Um...nope. I called you hours ago."

"But my phone says you called, like, ten minutes ago."

"Couldn't have. I was sleeping when you called."

Then I heard a woman giggling in the background and asking who it was on the phone. Wizard shushed her and then said, "Sorry, Nat. I've gotta go." Then he hung up.

I clearly wasn't going to get any help from him! Despondent, I started shuffling along the street towards home. A vehicle drove up along side of me and honked and I turned to see another friend, Mutton, driving the Love Bus. (In real life, the Love Bus is a Christian initiative in the city where they've transformed an old school bus into a traveling refuge of sorts. The take it to the rougher areas of the city and offer prostitutes and people on the street a place to warm up and a cup of coffee if they want. My friend Mutton is quite active in the Christian community here, though I don't know if he's involved with the Bus directly.)

"You need a ride home, Nat?"

"Aw, Mutton! That'd be awesome!"

"Well hop on."

And then I woke up.

Was that a great dream or what? I mean, guest appearances from Seth Rogan and Jonah Hill!

If there's anyone out there skilled in interpreting dreams, feel free to tell me what it all meant because fucked if I know.

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